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:iconghostjay55: More from Ghostjay55


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Writing by ithaswhatitisnt

Poetry by hypermagical

Poetry by Chandevi


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Submitted on
March 17, 2013
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826 bytes
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392
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Shed a tear for the Marine
for he is not allowed to cry
He's as tough as he can be
And they're never allowed to hide

Shed a tear for the Marine
for when the world is calling
They are the first ones to the field
To fight for those that have fallen

I shed a tear for my Marine
For he means the world to me
And I feel safer now at night
Knowing he's watching over me

Shed a tear for the Marine
For time doesn't fly by
Three long months in Paris Island
And he's a Marine until he dies

So Shed a tear for the Marine
For he is not allowed to cry
He is more than just a soldier
He is a friend to all mankind
A poem I wrote for my brother, PFC Johnny Christopher Jones. Perhaps my biggest inspiration.
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:iconmichel-le-fou:
There is much to say for the poem generally. First, family is often a good source for inspiration. I wrote about my mom. Second, the dedication is thoughtful. Third, the form and scheme of the poem is well-written. I liked that. Next, true, the marines are not allowed or expected to cry although they should; but i cannot cry for the army in my address. More separately, it is unconcerned here. The use of repetition for emphasis was keen and i sense a song rhythm too. The style and awareness devoted to this poem shows good poetic sense. Well done, keep the ink flowing.
What do you think?
The Artist thought this was FAIR
4 out of 4 deviants thought this was fair.

:iconimaginative-lioness:
I have already commented on this piece, but I will give you a little bit more of a critique :) This piece is a wonderful, holding so much emotion and meaning. This is a piece to be proud of.

I have a number of favourite parts in this. Firstly, the opening stanza which just has such a sad meaning:

"Shed a tear for the Marine
for he is not allowed to cry
He's as tough as he can be
And they're never allowed to hide"


Though, my overall favourite stanza is the last one:

"So Shed a tear for the Marine
For he is not allowed to cry
He is more than just a soldier
He is a friend to all mankind"


The impact is such a strong one, I just want to hug you for it :hug:

The only thing I suggest you do is place in commas and full stops :heart:
What do you think?
The Artist thought this was FAIR
4 out of 4 deviants thought this was fair.

The Artist has requested Critique on this Artwork

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:iconxxxxbrokenxangelxxxx:
xxXxBrokenxAngelxXxx Featured By Owner Jan 20, 2014  Student Writer
I love your work, you really are a talented writer. Please keep it up. This one really hit home for me. My bestfriend is a marine, and this just touched me so much. Keep up the good work.:) (Smile) Clap 
Reply
:iconghostjay55:
Ghostjay55 Featured By Owner Jan 21, 2014  Hobbyist Writer
Glad you liked it :)
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:iconstalkerchick666:
stalkerchick666 Featured By Owner Oct 25, 2013  Hobbyist Artist
Oh this poem is by far the best you have ever written and shall ever write. I'm so glad that you wrote this. Marine's are people to be proud of. I can't even tell you how much I love this.
Reply
:iconwickedsoulsbook:
wickedsoulsbook Featured By Owner Jul 25, 2013  Student Writer
This is amazing! great job.
Reply
:iconghostjay55:
Ghostjay55 Featured By Owner Jul 25, 2013  Hobbyist Writer
Glad you approve.
Reply
:iconkurosaki224:
Kurosaki224 Featured By Owner Apr 21, 2013  Hobbyist General Artist
God bless the marines. :heart:
Reply
:iconghostjay55:
Ghostjay55 Featured By Owner Apr 21, 2013  Hobbyist Writer
Amen.
Reply
:iconkurosaki224:
Kurosaki224 Featured By Owner Apr 21, 2013  Hobbyist General Artist
:)
Reply
:iconimaginative-lioness:
imaginative-lioness Featured By Owner Apr 21, 2013  Hobbyist Writer
Oh my, this is such a beautiful, emotional piece with so much impact. I absolutely love the ending:

"So Shed a tear for the Marine
For he is not allowed to cry
He is more than just a soldier
He is a friend to all mankind"


You should be incredibly proud of this piece :heart:
Reply
:iconghostjay55:
Ghostjay55 Featured By Owner Apr 21, 2013  Hobbyist Writer
I am indeed <3 thank you and i'm glad you enjoyed it.
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