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:iconghostjay55: More from Ghostjay55


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Literature by chromeantennae

Literature by WantsToLoseHerMask

Truth by hypermagical


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Submitted on
April 28, 2013
File Size
787 bytes
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734
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28 (who?)
Comments
24

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Creative Commons License
Some rights reserved. This work is licensed under a
Creative Commons Attribution-No Derivative Works 3.0 License.
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Send me away
To a place not tracked my miles
I know you don't want me to stay
So maybe now you can finally smile

Send me away
Like everyone else has before you
I'll find a new place to lay
For what else is a broken man to do

Send me away
Yet again I will play as the fool
Tear up my heart just to play
Then toss me like a useless tool

Send me away
What more can you want from me
Your leaving my heart to decay
So just let go and leave me be

Send me away
Away so I can go back to being alone
Go back to being cast astray
And go back to a world without a home.
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:iconshehrozeameen:
shehrozeameen Featured By Owner Jun 25, 2013  Hobbyist Writer
#PoeticalCondition critique

this poem is a decent composition. The sense of indifference that is pouring from the poet's words makes this poem simple, honest, straightforward, and caring. I feel that the words chosen also make this work a really nice composition, and at the same time, this work doesn't have that many grammatical problems. Its a decent composition. Well done.
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:iconghostjay55:
Ghostjay55 Featured By Owner Jun 26, 2013  Hobbyist Writer
Thank you.
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:iconshehrozeameen:
shehrozeameen Featured By Owner Jun 26, 2013  Hobbyist Writer
Your welcome.
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:iconamaris1113:
Amaris1113 Featured By Owner Jun 10, 2013  Student Photographer
Definitely a relatable poem!
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:iconghostjay55:
Ghostjay55 Featured By Owner Jun 10, 2013  Hobbyist Writer
Why thank you :)
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:iconamaris1113:
Amaris1113 Featured By Owner Jun 11, 2013  Student Photographer
No problemo kid xD
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:iconangelenroute:
angelenroute Featured By Owner May 9, 2013  Professional Writer
Hi, Sean here from #We-Poets stopping by because you requested a critique for this one.

Edits in parentheses:

To a place not tracked my miles (by miles)

Yet again I will play as the fool (Yet again I'll play the fool)
Tear up my heart just to play (agree double play not good)

Your leaving my heart to decay (You're)
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:iconghostjay55:
Ghostjay55 Featured By Owner May 9, 2013  Hobbyist Writer
Thanks
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:iconangelenroute:
angelenroute Featured By Owner May 9, 2013  Professional Writer
You're welcome
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:iconartisanduo:
artisanduo Featured By Owner May 2, 2013  Hobbyist Writer
Nice work, thank you for sharing...
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