literature

Little Johnny

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Ghostjay55's avatar
By
Published:
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Literature Text

There's a fire in your heart tonight.
Frozen still and yet it's burning bright.
Broken with fear but anxious to fight.
You know that victory is within your sight.

But how did you get here?
You were only a grunt six months ago,
Shedding your final tear.

Not much of a winner...
You poured all of your heart out,
Looking for better.

But now your life is at stake,
From decisions you made.
And now your wondering,
If it was worth it...

But I'm telling you we rise... and fall.
But to prove your a man you endured it all.
You step up with the risks... you take.
But don't ever regret the decisions you make.

But now the danger has you scared.
A little much for you to bear.
sweat drips down as you two stare.
a single Gun shot will prevail...
Will you dare?

Pull the trigger little johnny,
For America they said.
Put this stranger six feet under...
So we'll sleep easier in bed.

Compromise is out the window...
Only violence remains.
Time to prove that your a soldier.
or surely die alone in shame...

Squeezed the trigger,
index finger...
then you dropped down to the deck.

He misfired...
Gun for hire..
Now hes dropping to his grave.

From the window,
Children crying,
as Their calling out his name...
What  a shame...

You pulled the trigger little Johnny,
Saved America they said.
gave you a shiny little medal,
But still you toss in turn in bed.

As you drift away to slumber,
trying hard to fall asleep.
His face flashes right before you
as a voice calls out "daddy"...
Probably the longest poem I've ever written. its about the struggle of the "average" soldier in combat that has to live with the actions he must do.
Comments9
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prettyflour's avatar
Hello again!

What an interesting point of view you've chosen, very emotional, very... real twists and turns.

I like the fourth stanza.

But I'm telling you we rise... and fall.
But to prove your a man you endured it all.
You step up with the risks... you take.
But don't ever regret the decisions you make.

Such contradiction- we rise and fall- and within that a sense of acceptance and responsibility.

Another one of my favorite stanzas was this one:

Pull the trigger little johnny,
For America they said.
Put this stranger six feet under...
So we'll sleep easier in bed.


Powerful words. Makes me think of doing hard things for 'the greater good,' and of making sacrifices.

If I have any criticism, it is about this part:

Squeezed the trigger,
index finger...
then you dropped down to the deck.

He misfired...
Gun for hire..
Now hes dropping to his grave.
Hes should be 'he's or 'he is'

From the window,
Children crying,
as Their calling out his name...
What a shame...


Ok- I like the change in cadence, it is a nice break at this point in the poem, but what throws me off is the...flow. I feel like this would work more smoothly if that third stanza followed the first two with three lines instead of four.

And the last stanza... I have mixed feelings about this. As far as the 'story' I think you ended it nicely. This is a poem with enough substance to make people think, and to appreciate the story you've told. But, this particular stanza did not rhyme like you others and I think it feels... off to end it this way. I feel like it needs a little tweaking to solidify the rhyme. Like the last line ending with: as a voice calls out, "daddy, it's me..."

My two cents.
Hope this was helpful!