deviant art

Deviant Login Shop  Join deviantART for FREE Take the Tour
[x]
Download File
HTML, 1.1 KB
more ▶

More from *Ghostjay55

Featured in Groups:

Details

January 13
1.1 KB
Link
Thumb

Statistics

Comments: 26
Favourites: 37 [who?]

Views: 463 (1 today)
Downloads: 4 (0 today)

License

Creative Commons License
Some rights reserved. This work is licensed under a
Creative Commons Attribution-No Derivative Works 3.0 License.
[x]
I wish my eyes were a mirror
so you can see you as i see
your heart was crushed by an image
built by a cruel society

I wish my eyes were a mirror
So that i may help you to believe
that what they say is lies
and show you how you are to me

I wish my Heart could speak clearer
to help you understand
that you are the only person
that can fill my empty hands

I wish i could be your savior
Wipe away your fresh tears
i would gently say i love you
as i hold you through the years

And i wish my soul was a healer
to undo all of the pain
Make all their hostile efforts
finally end in vain

But to you im just a stranger
or "Just friends at best"
because you fear that i will hurt you
just like all the rest

So i wish my eyes were a mirror
So you can see you as i see
And ill continue to count the days
until you become one with me.
:iconghostjay55:
A love poem i wrote a while back, edited a little to make it better.
Hope you enjoy
Add a Comment:
 
love 2 2 joy 0 0 wow 1 1 mad 0 0 sad 0 0 fear 0 0 neutral 0 0
:iconimaginative-lioness:
*imaginative-lioness Apr 25, 2013  Hobbyist Writer
This is a very well written piece, one which I really enjoyed reading.

"I wish my eyes were a mirror
so you can see you as i see
your heart was crushed by an image
built by a cruel society"


The opening is great, I love the 'my eyes were a mirror' bit. That is such awesome imagery right there. But I like how this introduces the rest of the poem.

My favourite part, overall, is:

"I wish i could be your savior
Wipe away your fresh tears
i would gently say i love you
as i hold you through the years"


Well done, I love it :heart:!
Reply
:iconghostjay55:
*Ghostjay55 Apr 26, 2013  Hobbyist Writer
Well thank you :3 I'm very glad you enjoyed it, and thank you very much for the Critique :D
Reply
:iconeclipsededen:
~EclipsedEden Feb 11, 2013  Student General Artist
Very strong wording, and very beautifully written.
Reply
:iconghostjay55:
*Ghostjay55 Feb 11, 2013  Hobbyist Writer
Thank you, i appreciate it and the Fave. :)
Reply
:iconserenecyrene:
*SereneCyrene Jan 27, 2013  Student General Artist
Beautiful! :rose:
Reply
:iconghostjay55:
*Ghostjay55 Jan 27, 2013  Hobbyist Writer
Thanks :3
Reply
:iconusagi92:
Mood: Love ~Usagi92 Jan 22, 2013  Hobbyist Writer
thats amazing
Reply
:iconghostjay55:
*Ghostjay55 Jan 24, 2013  Hobbyist Writer
Thanks :D
Reply
:iconthedarkenedbride:
Mood: Love *TheDarkenedBride Jan 19, 2013  Hobbyist General Artist
this is really touching, I like it :clap: in fact it sounds like song lyrics :tunes: with a good chorus I think it wouldn't be worse than many of the songs you hear on the radio these days
Reply
:iconghostjay55:
*Ghostjay55 Jan 19, 2013  Hobbyist Writer
hehe thanks. I do think it could make a good song but i kinda like it best as a poem for now lol most of the songs i end up putting on here arent really great :P
Reply
Add a Comment: