literature

A place to lay my head

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Ghostjay55's avatar
By
Ghostjay55
Published:
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Literature Text

So far I have traveled
So much blood has been shed
but all I'm really after is
A place to lay my head

The weather is frightful
and the roads plagued with danger
I failed to add to a solution
Completely driven by my anger

But I am not the same
I'm not the man i was before
I promise to have changed
no longer living by the sword

If I can not convince you,
Allow me just one full night of peace
Just a mattress and a cover
and maybe a little something to eat

For tomorrow is a new day
"A warrior's nightmare", my father said
"As every day is a new journey for
A place to lay your head."
Creative Commons Attribution-No Derivative Works 3.0 License
Comments11
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prettyflour's avatar
prettyflour
:star::star::star::star::star-half: Overall
:star::star::star::star::star-half: Vision
:star::star::star::star::star-empty: Originality
:star::star::star::star::star: Technique
:star::star::star::star::star: Impact

Prettyflour here on behalf of <img class="avatar" src="a.deviantart.net/avatars/p/o/p…" alt=":iconpoeticalcondition:" title="PoeticalCondition" /> with the critique you requested.

Ghostjay55! I really like this.

Why do I like this so much? Simple. You created a piece that is short, and in this case the brevity just works so well. Your vocabulary is simple and direct, and your words easily understood. The rhyme works well throughout and it holds a nice cadence.

As I find in most of your poems, there is a story- one that touches the readers- even if it's just for a moment. I totally enjoyed this and it will be in my favs for sure.

Have a good night!