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:iconghostjay55: More from Ghostjay55


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Submitted on
April 5, 2013
File Size
813 bytes
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210
Favourites
22 (who?)
Comments
11

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Creative Commons License
Some rights reserved. This work is licensed under a
Creative Commons Attribution-No Derivative Works 3.0 License.
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So far I have traveled
So much blood has been shed
but all I'm really after is
A place to lay my head

The weather is frightful
and the roads plagued with danger
I failed to add to a solution
Completely driven by my anger

But I am not the same
I'm not the man i was before
I promise to have changed
no longer living by the sword

If I can not convince you,
Allow me just one full night of peace
Just a mattress and a cover
and maybe a little something to eat

For tomorrow is a new day
"A warrior's nightmare", my father said
"As every day is a new journey for
A place to lay your head."
Add a Comment:
 
:iconprettyflour:
Prettyflour here on behalf of :iconpoeticalcondition: with the critique you requested.

Ghostjay55! I really like this.

Why do I like this so much? Simple. You created a piece that is short, and in this case the brevity just works so well. Your vocabulary is simple and direct, and your words easily understood. The rhyme works well throughout and it holds a nice cadence.

As I find in most of your poems, there is a story- one that touches the readers- even if it's just for a moment. I totally enjoyed this and it will be in my favs for sure.

Have a good night!
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2 out of 2 deviants thought this was fair.

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:iconprettyflour:
prettyflour Featured By Owner Mar 2, 2014  Hobbyist General Artist
This has been Featured in my journal!


:)
Reply
:iconghostjay55:
Ghostjay55 Featured By Owner Mar 2, 2014  Hobbyist Writer
Thank you :)
Reply
:icondarvia123:
Darvia123 Featured By Owner Apr 7, 2013  Hobbyist General Artist
Oh my, a wonderful piece!! I accidently deleted this from my message box, then came straight to the group to read it! I'm glad I did :)
Reply
:iconghostjay55:
Ghostjay55 Featured By Owner Apr 8, 2013  Hobbyist Writer
Hehe I feel special :3 thank you :D. I'm glad you enjoyed it :3
Reply
:icondarvia123:
Darvia123 Featured By Owner Apr 8, 2013  Hobbyist General Artist
Your welcome!
Reply
:iconcygam-7:
Cygam-7 Featured By Owner Apr 5, 2013   Traditional Artist
wonderful!
Reply
:iconghostjay55:
Ghostjay55 Featured By Owner Apr 5, 2013  Hobbyist Writer
Thank you! Glad you think so.
Reply
:iconhypermagical:
hypermagical Featured By Owner Apr 5, 2013
I love the concept and I love the way you carried it, well done!
Reply
:iconghostjay55:
Ghostjay55 Featured By Owner Apr 5, 2013  Hobbyist Writer
Thank you! I'm glad you enjoyed us.
Reply
:iconhypermagical:
hypermagical Featured By Owner Apr 5, 2013
You're welcome! ^_^
Reply
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